How to win friends and influence people, by Dale Carnegie.

This is one of the most important book that you can read, it’s life changing. If you are thinking about developing leadership in any source, this book is very important.

The only degree I have in my office is the one I got from Dale Carnegie school

Warren Buffett

This book is broken in 4 part.

Part 1: Fundamental Techniques on  Handling People

Let me explain this with an analogy here. Let say you want to be a personal trainer. You won’t look for clients and say “hey I want to build a customers base” as sales peach. You will say” I want to help you lose weight, and I will do that in a personal manner. I will be there for you, I will fight for you, and we are going to lose weight together.”

The key in this concept is to put yourself in other person perspective. Be able to see in other people eyes. Seeing what they want, and align it with what you want. You have to know what people want and be able to help them, and align it with what you want. People don’t care about what you want. And that is the principle of Arouse an Eager want.

Part 2 : 6 Ways to Make People Like You

When is the last time you ask your neighbor how he started his career? Or why he choose to do what he does? When is the last time that you ask your dentist how was his childhood? In this part Dale teach us to move our interest on ourselves and put it on other people. You need to have a genuine interested at other people life. When you become genuinely interested on people that will lead you to conversation you never had. People care about themself, and if you have the ability to show them that you care, you want to know more about them they will love to speak about themself. Let me ask you a question, if you and I are in a football stadium, and we decide to take a picture with the crowd. Who are you going to look first when you get the picture in your hands? Have any guess? You will want to find you first, and that is the same thing with everybody. Dale Carnegie will show you 6 ways to be able to make people like you instantly.

Part 3: How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking

Imagine you work at the cashier store, and you are at the manager office at the end of the day. Your manager call you because in your activity you are in short of $20. You handle a customer extra money, and you know you made a mistake. It’s the first time you have done that, and your manager is angry now. Your manager will probably said that you don’t know how to handle money, you are irresponsible. Your manager will probably find a way to punish you for that mistake.

Dale Carnegie said every time you find yourself doing a mistake you must admit that you are wrong and do it emphatically. Let say in the cashier situation before her manager even said a word she goes ” I made a terrible mistake, I can’t imagine how careless I am about money. You should take 4 times that in my paycheck. If you want me to resign or go home right now I will understand, I feel so miserable about that.” The manager will be defending her now by saying things like ” It is not that big, it’s just $20, and it is the first time that something like that happened. You don’t have to lose your job for that.” See if you create a mistake, own the mistake, and find ways you can punish yourself, it will make the person feels like they have to defend you. So if you find yourself in a situation where you are wrong don’t try to defend yourself.

In the book Dale Carnegie gave the example of when he was in the park with his small dog unleash, and a cop told him that it is prohibited to leave a dog unleash here and just warned him. A week later, Dale was at the same park with his dog unleash. This time when he saw the cop he went and blame himself first, and said how his attitude is unacceptable, that the police officer warned him last time, that he is willing to take any punishment. I turns out that the police officer who were angry, start defending Carnegie. People are always looking for a feeling of importance. When they feel like they have the control over you, they will take your side if you blame yourself.

Part 4: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or  Arousing Resentment

Imagine you are a smoker, and your brothers and sister want to start smoking. Instead of diving into the criticism and telling them not to do it. You can tell them your experience. How you feel guilty for being a smoker, that you wish you haven’t started because it’s hard to stop. That it’s addictive, and that you have an annoying cough. In this way you will be likely to convince them not to start. Dale said to always talked about your own mistake first.

If you are thinking if you will read this book or not it’s an absolutely must. This book has helped me personally in many ways. I am able to talk with anybody anywhere. I have helped a lot of people without any expectations back, and I have made so many great friends. This book is great with experience of life to life situation, and it can definitely help you overcome your fear of speaking.

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