How Self-Esteem Affects Our Confidence11 min read

Our self-belief has a profound effect on our confidence and on the quality of our lives. If a person believes that he lacks basic skills to solve problems then he may lose heart and give up.

In contrast, a person who has less abilities but who believes in himself stands a much better chance of being successful. This is because his self-belief gives him the confidence to try.

What’s Your Self-belief

Have you ever wondered why only a few students in a class ask questions? Is it because the others have understood all the points made during a lecture? Or is it because they lack the confidence to ask a question?

More often than not, it is the fear of making a fool of themselves that stops students from asking questions. In other words, they lack self-confidence. The only way this confidence can improve is when they start believing in themselves.

This is why self-belief is so important. It gives an individual the confidence to aim for the moon. It overwhelms negative thoughts and drives away the fear of failure. Also, it is the best antidote against self-flagellation, which turns several talented persons into under-achievers.

Self-belief gives the students the confidence that they have nothing to lose. On the contrary, they realize that they have everything to gain by asking a question, even if it happens to be a silly question.

Abraham Lincoln is a fine example of a man who believed in himself. He lost every election until he went to the Senate and stood for the post of the President. He did not allow his failures in professional and personal life to erode his self-belief. Had he done so, the history of the US would have been different.

Self-belief gives us the confidence to accept failure. It teaches us the importance of positive thinking. Those who have self-esteem don’t talk about failures; instead, they try to find out why they did not succeed.

They look for lessons that can be learned from their experience. This is not a simple issue of semantics. It is the power of positive thinking, and it is available to only those who have self-esteem.

Relate: How 8 billionaires Overcame Failures

Once again it is self-esteem that gives us the confidence to enter a new group, and become a part of it. Those who lack self-esteem are very reluctant to approach a new group. They don’t want to expose themselves to the ridicule of being seen as shy, nervous or ignorant. They would instead prefer to stay in their corners.

In fact, lack of self-esteem stands out like a sore thumb at parties, at meetings, at conferences and at social or official functions. Individuals with low self-esteem avoid introducing themselves to others. They prefer to stay in the shadows, away from the sights of others.

However, their colleagues who enjoy high self-esteem dominate the discussions. They are sought after by others for information. They are also invited to other meetings and parties — all because their self-esteem gives them the confidence to open up before a group of strangers. It is the same student syndrome that is reflected in an individual’s working life too.

Get it now: Your Guide to Successfully Setting Goals

How to Build Our Self Esteem?

Self esteem is your own personal view of yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally. Everyone has a different view of themselves, but keeping a positive outlook will benefit you more than a negative one.

Many individuals suffer from low self-esteem for a variety of reasons and need to build their self-esteem in order to succeed in life. Remember, the only one who can make you excel is you and no one else. The same goes for self-esteem.

The only person who can build up—or consequentially tear down—your self-esteem is you. Although other individuals may aide the process, the end decision is yours.

People have low esteem for a variety of reasons. Some individuals suffer from poor body image and focus on all the negative traits of their physical appearance. Others have emotional issues that have caused their self-esteem to drop or feel unworthy of any praise.

For whatever reasons your self-esteem may falter, the key to building it up again is to find the root of the problem. Think of self-esteem like a house, if you build a stunning house on a poor foundation, the entire structure will crumble.

However, if you take steps to ensure the foundation is strong and capable of holding anything, the process may be slow, but your self-esteem will be built soundly.

Many individuals look for help for their low self esteem in books or seminars. The number of available options on the market is phenomenal, and you are sure to find one on a topic that deals with your specific issues.

Check out your local library or book store and explore their “self-help” section for a book that you may find helpful. It is quite unlikely you will find the answers to all your problems in a book, but you may find it helpful to know others are in your same boat and you are certainly not alone.

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Additionally, you may wish to seek professional help in your quest to boost your self-esteem. Often, speaking with a qualified individual can help you determine the root of your problem and the necessary path you should take for the rebuilding process. Perhaps your problems date back to childhood, or maybe it has recently developed. Whatever the case, a professional will be able to best determine your next step.

A main factor in self esteem is negativity. Negative thoughts can pervade your confidence and crumble your self esteem. If you find yourself surrounded by negative people or in a negative situation, try to best remedy the problem. Often, individuals in a abusive relationship have their self esteem shattered when a supposed loved one constantly berates them and questions their worth.

Similarly, a negative workplace environment can lower your self-esteem with colleagues or bosses finding fault with your work. Maybe you have a friend who is consistently negative with all surrounding him or her. Whatever the source, distancing yourself from the negativity will help you regain your self-esteem. Strive to surround yourself with positive people. If you are going through a rough time in your personal life, you may wish to join a support group.

Similarly, there are support groups available for individuals with self-image issues. These groups will allow you to meet other individuals like yourself and provide a forum for you to sound your hopes and achievements.

However, you choose to begin building your self-esteem, do so today! Be thorough and consistent with the process and be aware it may take a while. You should not become impatient or despondent if you find your self-esteem slipping. Remember, you are an important and worthy person and should treat yourself as such.

Check Your Confidence Levels

Would you like to be confident? Your answer may be – yes; I do want to be confident. However, this answer lacks the impact. It is too generalized. Just like everybody wants to do well in life and be rich but not many ever realize this wish. T

his is because to actually get somewhere in life, you need to quantify your confidence. You need to define the task for which you need to be confident so that you can execute it successfully. A mere wish to be confident won’t take you anywhere. The dream must have a deadline as well!

Get it now: Your Guide to Successfully Setting Goals

Self Confidence might mean different things to different people groups. It might mean for a child to be able to recite the poem to her teacher the next morning. For business executives, it might mean to be able to present the business report to the Board of Directors.

It may be the ability to be able to make a switch over from his secure job to a new independent venture for a salaried person. and so on. To execute their respective tasks, these people need a certain level of confidence, which would see them through. Every task requires a minimum level of confidence to be able to be executed. Do you have a task in your mind to be done? Do you have the level of confidence required? Let us check it out!

Following is a simple questionnaire. You have to answer to these in a YES or NO

  • Does it happen too often with you that you cannot take a decision all by yourself and you seem to look for your colleagues, friends, or your spouse to sort the matter for you?
  • Do you always seem to be in perpetual need of a support system wherein you can feel secure?
  • Do you just sit and listen all the times in your office meetings?
  • Do you feel difficulty in reporting a matter to your boss or you have an excellent idea that can improve your company’s efficiency but you cannot muster enough courage to go and talk about it to your Boss?
  • Are you terrified to meet someone new? Is public speaking your worst nightmare?  
  • Do you timidly accept orders from your superior even though you know that you are already overloaded and you need to say no?
  • Are you excessively concerned about what other people think of you?
  • Do you fear taking risks?
  • Do you feel dissatisfied about your appearance?
  • Are you uncomfortable in social gatherings – being amongst lots of people?

If you happen to answer these questions with a Yes, you seem to have a confidence crisis that might become an obstacle in successfully executing your tasks. Don’t Panic, as it is good that you found out since now you are aware of a potential problem of your life. The very fact that you are aware of your confidence rating makes you ready to take further action and work towards eliminating the negative effects of low confidence levels and work towards building your self confidence.

Here are some more questions you may answer.

Get it now: Your Guide to Successfully Setting Goals

How to Overcome a Confidence Crisis

A confidence crisis is triggered by setbacks like losing an important business order, break-up of a valued relationship or losing a job. When this happens, even a small thing can send you over the edge, creating an unwanted crisis. To protect yourself from such a situation, you need to take control of yourself, and your life.

You must learn to ignore external stimuli. Don’t be affected by what people say or are likely to say about you. More importantly, you should not be worried about failure. Believe in the old adage that you cannot win always.

Relate: How to Overcome Your Challenges

There are bound to be failures, and setbacks in life, despite your best efforts. Take them in your stride. If need be, sleep over your failures. You will wake up feeling good, and confident. Don’t hesitate to let others know that you can handle your affairs. This will build your self-confidence.

Maintain a diary, and note down all positive things that happen during the course of the day. You will be surprised to note the number of positive things that are happening around you, which you missed earlier. This will help you think positively and dispel your doubts.

This will also break the stranglehold of negative thoughts that had lowered your self-esteem, and generated doubts about your abilities and skills. Repeat to yourself every day that you are getting better at what you do, and feel the difference.

Take some time to think about your relationships. If a friend is having a bad influence on your self-confidence or if the relationship is more of a burden than a pleasure, you are better off if you stop meeting that person. Instead, try to build new relationships with people you like and admire, and who are supportive of you. Ideally, form a group of supportive friends and give them your support in turn. This will do your self-confidence a world of good.

Check this out now: Getting Ready for the Right Relationship

Stop wasting your energy on things that can go wrong. Think about the worst thing that could possibly happen. You will realize that it is not the end of the world. Focus on the subjects over which you have control and reduce your exposure to events over which you have little or no control. Monitor your internal dialogue, and silence the negative voice that keeps criticizing you.

A useful strategy is to visualize a situation that bothers or worries you. Jot down these points. Think of people who have successfully crossed these hurdles, and ask yourself if they could do it then why can’t I? Think of yourself as someone who is brimming with confidence, and is ready to take up the challenge. Make this a habit. You will find that you too can overcome these obstacles.

Self-confidence is more than a simple state of mind. It also flows from your physical well-being. Regular exercise adds to your energy levels, and makes you feel fitter and confident. Similarly, dressing well adds several notches to your self-confidence.  


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